True but thats because hes a fetus.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
