There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
