Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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