I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
