She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
