I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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