There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
