I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
