This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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