i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
