i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
