I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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