Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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