i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he fucked my hip out of place.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
