if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
