I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
