So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
