Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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