I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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