The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
