WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
