Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
as a side note pls kill me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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