They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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