My brain says no but my pants say off.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
