I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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