glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
