It was confusing and full of hummus
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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