Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
