Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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