Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
