Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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