But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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