But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
