You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
