So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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