Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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