Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
