1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Mom said you looked used
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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