Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
