Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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