Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
