everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
