yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
