How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
