Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
