Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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