I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is wine microwaveable?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
