where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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