kristin has been a bad kristin
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
