Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
