The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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