Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
