You made me cry and you don't even care
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
