they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
