I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
